12/23/2010

Using Psychology to Get Your Ex Girlfriend Back

When you're talking about using psychology to get your ex girlfriend back, the kind of psychology you'll want to use is "reverse psychology." Reverse psychology works like this: 
Because of things you've said or done since you broke up, your ex girlfriend already has a clue that you want to get her back. She knows you're going to say and do additional things, to try and make it happen. With these expectations, she doesn't really take what you say and do at face value. Instead, she's thinking anything you do is all part of your plan to win her back.

Her defenses are up. Her mistrust is her shield. So you need to do the opposite of what she's expecting. By doing the opposite -- or reverse -- you defeat her resistance and take her shield away. For instance: When you run into her, be friendly and open at the start, and then become casual and vague as your conversation continues. Don't be a jerk, or act uncaring -- just refrain from talking about how you still want her, or how you wish you could get back together.

Behave as if you're doing well without her. Even if it's not true, pretend you're having a really great day. Stay relaxed, and portray yourself as a guy who's got his act together -- as somebody who's happy with the way his life is going. Can you see what's important here? 

You have to convey your sense of satisfaction and happiness with your current situation. If you don't, using psychology to get your ex girlfriend back will not work.

She's got to buy your self-assured act, and decide you're not desperate to win her back after all. You should stay calm while you talk to her, without seeming too anxious or eager. Just be cool, collected and polite. If you can make the act work, it will have a confusing effect on her. Your girlfriend won't know what to think of this tactic, and will let her guard down right away, since she is not expecting you to display such an attitude of indifference.

Think about it: How can she justify conflict with you? You aren't acting like an adversary, so there's no point in struggling. You're not her opponent, so there's no reason to raise a shield. You're not making any attempt to convince her that you guys should get back together; you're just serene, unstressed, and clearly able to do just fine without her.

So much for her equilibrium! Becoming off-balance, she'll become more and more alert and tuned into you, because now she'll be obsessed with figuring out what you're thinking. She will pay a whole lot more attention to you than if you had tried some more obvious strategy for getting her back. She'll try to make sense of it all. Before too long, she'll put pieces together and conclude that your desire to get back together with her is far stronger than you're letting on. You won't have to do the convincing, because she'll start selling herself on the possibility. Your ex will let her imagination start rolling along, and that imagination of hers is the best ally you can find.

This reverse psychology -- it all has to do with the female ego. Her sense of self-esteem makes her not want to lose a chance at finding Mr. Right. It would be disastrous if you were her one true love, and she failed to give you a chance. So you, standing there acting like it's no big deal if you can't get back together with her -- you're just provoking her greater attention. She becomes aggressively interested in you.

Using psychology to get your ex girlfriend back works, but you can't forget the hard part.

What is that? The hard part is that you, yourself, might not be ready to play the role you need to play. If you're still emotional about your breakup -- still tearful and unable to concentrate or think about anything except what you have lost -- then you aren't steady enough to act like the cool, self-assured ex who can take her or leave her.

You need to prepare yourself. There are steps you can take to get yourself back in condition, ready to approach your ex girlfriend and use the necessary psychological tricks.

Get yourself together first, and make your plan.

1 comments:

Jon said...

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